The Poet, The Poem, and The Conveniently Named

By Jonathan Sellars

“Poetry is hard, it’s even harder when it rhymes.”

That’s what I was told by my old teacher Mrs Limes.

She said, “I’ve got one tip for you.” She said, “You’ve got to aim

To always give your characters the most convenient name.

A poet can waste lifetimes in the search for perfect rhyme,

So names that rhyme with subject matter save you so much time.

“For example, if the poem’s on the Franco-Prussian war,

Why not feature First-Lieutenant Paul-Patrice Le Core?

While if it’s on the fossils found in petrifying wood

I advise you have an expert with the name Professor Hood.

When writing little ditties on the Central Asian vole

Perhaps include two siblings known as Bill and Betty Cole.

And sonnets on the hornet-crested-speckled hummingbird

Would work so well with someone called Mick Mickelmick the Third.

For wigs use Chad de Biggs, for bees use Chad de Keys,

For water-borne disease I’d use a Chad de Van Der Tweeze.”

And then she quoted someone by the name of A.B. Booth,

“It’s the right of every poet to manipulate the truth.”

And the truth is that in fact I had no teacher Mrs Limes,

Her name was Gronkanpurple, but that doesn’t rhyme with rhymes.