CHRISTMAS POEMS
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A Message FROM Father Christmas
By Jonathan Sellars
Each year many millions of letters
Arrive in great sacks at my door,
And it takes me a week to climb to the top
Of the mountain they make on the floor,
I read every one, I note every wish,
It takes quite a while but I do,
Then me and my elves do the best that we can
To make all those wishes come true,
But, you wouldn’t believe the requests I receive,
The wishes that some children make,
I’ve been asked for a ghost that likes to haunt cheese,
For a two-hundred-metre-long snake,
For a tree made of soup,
For a sabre-toothed shark,
For unicorn nose hairs that glow in the dark,
For a sausage that flies,
For toothpaste that talks,
For an active volcano that does funny walks,
For alien snot,
For a house on the moon,
And a big bad bassoon-playing blabbering baboon,
These impossible things are too hard to deliver
And that’s why I’m writing to plead,
This Christmas don’t wish for the things that you want -
Just wish for the things that you need.
The Trick
By Jonathan Sellars
Since time began
Me and my brother
Have always enjoyed playing tricks on each other,
I’ve toasted his homework,
Put worms in his bed,
He’s dyed my teeth black and glued hats to my head,
I’ve sold all his shoes,
He’s filled mine with clay,
But the trick I’m most proud of was last Christmas day,
Just before dawn
Once Santa had been,
I tip toed downstairs, incognito, unseen,
I gathered his presents
And neat as could be
Relabelled each one so they all said for me,
Then I went poking
Around in the bin,
And wrapped up some rubbish, all labelled for him,
Oh how I laughed
As he opened his gifts
Of snot-splattered tissues and old soggy crisps,
And oh how he raged,
How he banged on the walls,
As I unwrapped two robots, two skateboards, two balls,
I’m still smiling now
Though I’m starting to fear
The trick he’s got planned for my presents this year.